Ineffective Daily Affirmations
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.
Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner
Sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels
of suspicion and paranoia.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
> self- righteous people around me.
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no
sweeter words than "I told you so."
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and
complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they
reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that
are someone else's fault.
I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts
even more.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no
personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than
a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to
do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to
buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and
disgusting parts.
I am at one with my duality.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself
with imaginary fears
Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I
move up to incessant nagging?
I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of
state and local laws.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all
day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV
into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me
just a minute... I'll find someone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when
I can spend it worrying about the future?
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that
the conspiracy is working.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective
as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the
next step: blaming my parents.
To understand all is to fear all.
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I
can laugh at.
The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend
I am not home.
To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look
like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is
willing to learn from them.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having
control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
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