A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another
 woman by their wife or girlfriend.

-  I can't believe that outfit she is wearing.  (Said disdainfully)

-  Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.

-  I think that's a man dressed as a woman.   (Incredulous)

-  Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen?  (Chances are
she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you, but you will get
brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse
enough to distract her

-  I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually
joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be
a real nut case

-  Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!

-  I was staring off into space because I was about to have an
epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for
you, but its gone now, thank you very much!

-  Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I
glad I ever got away from her.  What a moron.

-  I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman,
but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good,
but then you have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick.
She makes me sick.  (It helps if you convulse a little at the end
here.. maybe it will camouflage your drool).

-  I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never
hold a candle to you.  (This one might only get you punched, but its
worth a try).

-  Do you think she's prettier than me?  (Give her a taste of her own
medicine)