Finally, a list of rules for WOMEN to follow when dealing with MEN.  As
you are well aware, there is no definitive list of rules that we have to
follow.

The lady folk have been kind enough not to publish it.  So, hand this to
your wives/girlfriends and then run like hell.  Pass on as you deem
appropriate!

1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the
toilet UP when you are done.

2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried,
Beer, and Red.

3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.

4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the
fine bars and fraternities throughout  the country, not all men are
cretins deserving your contempt.

5. Shopping is not fascinating.

6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is
only joking.

7. Unless the answer is yes.

8. In which case, can he videotape it?

9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.

10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill.

11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the
room is not funny.

12. Money does not equate to love. Not even in Nevada.

13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie
Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly
the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it
walks for the first time.

14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay.  Accept it.

15. He heard you the first time.

16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too...  Let's spread the rejection
around a little.

17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want
the answer to.

18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.

19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.

20. Dogs good.  Cats bad.

21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit
through "Showgirls".

23. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting
he stop for directions.

25. He was not looking at that other girl.

26. Well, okay...  maybe a little.

27. Okay, so what!  He was looking at her.  Big deal.  As if you never
looked at another guy.

28. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you
have ever met.

29. And all your friends think so too.  Especially the cute ones.

30. Your (select appropriate item):  butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look
fine.  As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good.  Stop asking.

31. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.

32. It is not necessary or advisable to discuss the heaviness of your
menstrual flow with him.  Especially before/during/after a meal.

33. Remember:  That Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left
in the shower.

34. Dirty laundry comes in several categories:  Looks fine/smells fine,
Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine.  Unless you intend to
wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

35. Yes (pick one) Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is
prettier than you.  Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is
better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be
dating any of these people, love the one you're with.

36. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the granddaddy of them
all.

37. His (fill in appropriate selection:) bald spot/beer gut/thick 
glasses/impotency is cute.

38. Don't hog the covers.

39. Watching football is a major turn-on for you.  But please wait until
the half-time show to act upon that...

40. He does not just want to be friends.