The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads

FIRST THE WOMEN
40-ish..........................48
Adventurer......................Has had more partners than you 
                                ever will
Athletic........................Flat-chested
Average looking................ Ugly
Beautiful...................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Bring your penicillin
Educated........................College dropout
Emotionally Secure..............Medicated
Feminist........................Fat; ball buster
Free spirit.................... Substance user
Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun............................ Annoying
Gentle..........................Comatose
Good Listener.................. Borderline Autistic
New-Age........................ All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.................. Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded.................... Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud
Passionate......................Loud
Poet............................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional....................Bitch
Redhead........................ Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque.................... Grossly Fat
Romantic........................Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Weight proportional to height...Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate..................One step away from stalking
Widow.......................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart..................Toothless crone

THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST

40-ish..........................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic........................Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking................ Unusual hair growth on ears, 
                                nose, & back
Educated........................Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit.................... Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first................As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun............................ Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking....................Arrogant bastard
Honest..........................Pathological Liar
Huggable........................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle..................Insecure, overly dependent
Mature..........................Until you get to know him
Open-minded.....................Wants to sleep with your sister but
                                she's not interested
Physically fit..................I spend a lot of time in front
                                of mirror admiring myself
Poet............................Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual.......................Once went to church with his
                                grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable..........................Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful......................Says "Please" when demanding a beer