Men are Lunatics, Women are Nuts 

The Difference... 

Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell men how 
wonderful they are. 

Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. 
Everything they do. 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 
A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 

The Style... 

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.  Women somehow 
deteriorate during the night. 

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade 
another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. 

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he 
wants.  A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she 
doesn't want. 

The Workplace... 

When a man gives his opinion, he's a man.  When a woman gives her 
opinions, she's a bitch. 

Women are the only exploited group in history who has been idealized 
into powerlessness. 

Relationships... 

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now 
you 
know which sex is smarter. 

Most men's primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number 
of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this 
fantasy. 

Most women's primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either 
provides economic security or is on his way to doing so (he has 
"potential"). 

For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving this 
fantasy. 

So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, 
while a man gives his up. 

It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women 
who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very 
core of intelligence. 

Love... 

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle 
instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. 

The only way to understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't 
necessary to understand her. 

To women, love is an occupation.  To men, a preoccupation. 

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a 
little.  To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not 
try to understand her at all. 

Marriage... 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man 
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. 

Men marry because they are tired; woman because they are curious. Both 
are disappointed. 

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man 
never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry 
her; a man, of the woman who he didn't. 

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before 
marriage and after marriage 

Husbands... 

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let 
her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have 
it. 

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot 
more willing to die. 

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people 
remembering the same thing. 

Wives... 

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke. 

Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year. 

The Battle... 

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after 
that is the beginning of a new argument. 

On Men... 

If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us. 

Men are like animals, but they make great pets. 

On Women... 

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat 
women. 

Women have two weapons: cosmetics and tears. 

Women may be the only group that grows more radical with age. 

God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for 
her 
first question.