The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden 
signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a 
person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs."
  
  1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. - Doesn't engage in oral sex. 

  2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. - No foreplay.

  3. Can't hail a cab. - impotent.

  4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. - prefers virgins.

  5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the
 way. - Is a virgin.

  6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. 
 - Compulsive Don Juan.

  7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif.
 - Compulsive Don Quixote.

  8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. - Compulsive Don Ho. 

  9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant. - will swallow.

 10. Wants to go to a deli. - Won't swallow. 

 11. Uses Sweet n' Low. - Wearing falsies. 

 12. Takes too long deciding what to order.
 - Has trouble reaching orgasm.

 13. Orders salad dressing on the side.
 - Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."

 14. Gives explicit orders to waiter.
 - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

 15. Asks for extra rolls. - Will say she's using birth control when
 when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

 16. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will
 have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

 17. Asks for "the usual" - Insists on missionary position only. 

 18. Asks what the specials are. - Will want you to use handcuffs. 

 19. Fills up on bread and crackers. - Premature ejaculator.

 20. Doesn't finish everything on plate. - Has already come.

 21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. - Will make you
 sleep on wet spot.

 22. Changes mind after ordering. - Will never call you. 

 23. Changes tables. - Nyphomaniac.

 24. Drinks decaf. - Fakes orgasms (female). 

 25. Orders in French. - Fakes orgasms (male).

 26. Sends food back. - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends,
 then try to borrow money.

 27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. - Needs you to talk
dirty during sex.

 28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. - Wants a handjob. 

 29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. - Castrating bitch.

 30. Wants to split dessert. - Is dying to get rid of her apartment,
 move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all 
 your baseball posters.

 31. Credit card is refused. - Low sperm count. 

 32. Undertips waiter. - Small penis.

 33. Undertips parking valet. - Small penis. 

 34. Undertips cabbie. - Small penis.

 35. Uses toothpick. - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything. 

 36. Removable cassette player in car. - Pull outs repeatedly during
sex.

 37. Cellular phone in car.- Penile implant.