The following are excerpts from various American
medical journals......... most of which are pretty sick.
(But all are True)  You have been warned!!!!

INNER SKELETON
A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in
Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains.   X-rays
showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long
skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade
earlier.  It had become lodged outside the womb and
was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA
A 500 lb woman from Illinois was examined in the
hospital.  During the examination, an asthma inhaler
fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under
one of her breasts, and a remote control was found
lodged between the folds of her vulva.

OUCH!
A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency
room covered in bloody restaurant towels.  The man
had his around his waist, and the woman had
hers around her head.  They eventually explained to
doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
romantic dinner.  Overcome with passion,
the woman crept under the table to administer oral
sex to the man.  While in the act, she had an
epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
man's member and wrench it from side to side.  In
agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and
stabbed her in the head until she let go.

BABY CHICKEN
A 50 year old woman was brought into a New
York emergency room complaining of abdominal
pains.  During an examination, doctors found that the
woman's labia were pinned together with old safety
pins. Further  inside, they found the dismembered
body of a chicken. The woman explained that she
inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they
would grow into a baby.

SEX EDUCATION
A Californian doctor examining a young woman with
abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active.
 She said that she wasn't.  A later examination
showed that she was pregnant.  Asked why she said
that she was not sexually active, the woman replied
"I'm not, I just lie there."  When asked if she knew
who the father was, with a puzzled look she replied,
"No.   Who?"

BLIND DRUNK
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his
contact lenses.  He said that they would come
out halfway, but they always popped back in.  A
nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without
success.  Finally, a doctor examined him and
discovered that the man did not have his contact
lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the
membrane of his cornea.

GROWING SEASON
An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of
green vines growing from her vagina.  Investigation
revealed a large potato trapped in her womb. The
woman then suddenly remembered that she had
inserted it two weeks previously, because she
thought that her uterus was falling out.

PRICKLY PAIR
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
to his penis. He complained that his wife had "a rat in
her pussy" and it bit him during sex.  After an
examination of his wife, if was revealed that she had
a surgical needle left inside her after a recent
hysterectomy.

LAST STAND
A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining of
a permanent erection. He admitted to doctors that
while on holiday in Cuba, he frequented many
brothels, and in one he was given some erectile
cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it
sparingly.  However, since he was having so much
fun, he kept using more and more.  By the time he
came to the ER, all the blood vessels in his penis
were swollen and his testicles had ballooned in size.
Doctors could do nothing except prescribe
painkillers, and told him that it would return to
flaccidity in a few days.  They also told him to enjoy
his erection while it lasted, because it was going to
be his last.

JUICY LUCY
In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple
discharge from her vagina.  She thought it might
have something to do with the diaphragm that her
doctor had recently given her.  "I followed all the
instructions to the letter," she told her doctor, "and
used it with the jelly."  When asked which kind of jelly
she had used, she replied "Grape."

BRUSH AFTER MEALS
A very unhygienic patient was being treated by two
nurses for a burst vein in his stomach.  While
changing the dressing, one of the nurses screamed.
They saw maggots crawling down the man's chest.
They had been breeding between his teeth, and
smelling the open wound, decided to feed further
down his body.

CALL THE BUM SQUAD!
A World War II veteran came into a London clinic
with a hemorrhoid problem. One painful pile would
often hang down from the man's anus and he was in
the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell.
On this occasion, the shell got stuck.  Doctors were
going to remove it but the man told them the shell
was still live. So the hospital called in the army bomb
disposal squad, who built a lead box around the
man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be
removed.

KLINGONS AROUND URANUS
A 20 year old man came to the ER with a stony
mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend
were fooling around with concrete mix, when his
boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened,
causing constipation and pain. Under general
anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's
rectum was removed........................along with a stray
Ping-Pong ball.