An Archive of Email Forwards - ©Ouija Cat '98-'01

> Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
> Joke #1
> 
>      "Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
> 
>      Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. "
> 
> Joke #2
> 
> How do you make five pounds of fat look pretty?
>  Put a nipple on the end.
> 
> Joke #3
> 
> A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the 
   side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings
   it into the car.
>      She says, "Look, it's shivering...it must be cold. What should I   
> do?"
>      He says, "Put it between your legs."
>      She says, "What about the smell?"
>      He says, "Hold its nose."
> 
> Joke #4
> 
> Norris walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me.   
>    I've got a constant erection. At first it was fun, but then it became 
     painful and embarrassing."
> While the doctor's examining him, a bug jumps off his dick and his 
     boner goes right down.
> Norris says, "Gee, Doc, that's great. How much do I owe you?"
> The doctor says, "If I can find that bug, you don't owe me   
>    anything."
> 
> 
> 
> Harry and his wife are having hard times, so they decide she'll 
become a hooker.
>      She's not sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of 
that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a 
question, I'll be parked around the corner."
>      She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How  
 > much?"
>      She says, "A hundred dollars."
>      He says "Shit. All I've got is thirty."
>      She says, "Hold on."
>      She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty   
> dollars?"
>      Harry says, "A handjob".
>      She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars 
is a handjob. He says
>      okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a 
huge cock. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right 
back."
>      She runs back around the corner and says, "Harry, can you loan 
this guy seventy bucks?"
> 
> 
> 
>      There's a drunk at one end of a bar, and a woman in a tight 
low-cut black dress at the other end of the bar.The woman has her hand 
raised, waving for the bartender, and she has an incredibly hairy armpit.
>      The drunk yells out, "Give me a drink, and give a drink to that
> ballerina down there."
>      The bartender says, "How do you know she's a ballerina?"
>      The bartender says, "Who else could get her leg up that high?"

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