A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell.  He's really depressed 
as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance 
counselor. He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild life but I 
wasn't that bad.  I never thought it would come to this." Looking up 
he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a 
heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
     
COUNSELOR:
What's the problem, you look depressed?
     
GUY:
Well, what do you think?  I'm in hell.
     
COUNSELOR:
Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun.  Do you like to 
drink?
     
GUY:
Sure, I love to drink.
     
COUNSELOR:
Well then, you are going to love Mondays.  On Mondays we drink up a 
storm.  You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and 
as much a you want. We party all night long.  You'll love Mondays.  Do 
you smoke?
     
GUY:
Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
     
COUNSELOR:
You are going to love Tuesdays.  Tuesday is smoke day.  You get to 
smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere.  And 
you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer 
because you are already dead!   Is that great or what?  You are going 
to love Tuesdays.  Do you do drugs?
     
GUY:
Well in my younger days I experimented a little.
     
COUNSELOR:
You are going to love Wednesdays.  That's drug day.  You can experiment with 
any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting 
hooked 
because you are already dead!  You are going to love Wednesdays. 
Do you gamble?
     
GUY:
Yes, I love to gamble.
     
COUNSELOR:
You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night. 
Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going 
to love Thursdays.  Are you gay?
     
GUY:
Well, no I'm not.
     
COUNSELOR:
Oooh , you're gonna hate Fridays...