An Archive of Email Forwards - Ouija Cat '98-'01

Please Engage Brain Before Speaking

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
    --Mariah Carey

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
    --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
    --David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that
    he failed to pay his taxes.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life.
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
      federal anti-smoking campaign

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country.
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make
them unsafe.
    --Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of academic dean,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
David Steele to the post.
    --Philip Streifer, President, Auburn University

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