An Archive of Email Forwards - Ouija Cat '98-'01

   Freudian Virus
  Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes
  very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive

   Lorena Bobbit Virus
  turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy

   Tonya Harding Virus
  turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

   Paul Revere Virus
  warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\

   Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
  instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg

   Ollie North Virus
  plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files

   Joey Buttafuaco Virus
  only attacks minor files

   Ronald Reagan Virus
  saves your data, but forgets where it's stored

   Jane Fonda Virus
  attacks your hard drive's FAT

   Oprah Winfrey virus
  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
  expands to 300MB

   AT&T Virus
  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

   MCI Virus
  Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for
  the AT&T virus

   Politically Correct Virus
  Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
  "electronic microorganism."

   Ross Perot Virus
  Activates every component in your system, just before the
  whole darn thing quits.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
  Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back

   Government Economist Virus
  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
  fine

   Federal Beaurocrat Virus
  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which
  does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
  important part of your computer

   Adam and Eve Virus
  Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer

   Congressional Virus #1
  The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
  appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

   Congressional Virus #2
  Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't
  allow the user to accomplish anything

Congressional Virus #3
Triples the size of every program on your drive daily,
without asking
and asks for your gratitude every two years.

   Airline Virus
  You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

   PBS Virus
  Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

   Jimmy Hoffa Virus
  Your programs can never be found again

   LAPD Virus
  It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
  erases them in "self-defense."

   O.J. Virus
  It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
  your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

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