"You have very few friends in life, and those who say they're your friends--many of them are not your friends." Mayor Daley in an interview quoted. There are friends with a little "f" and friends with a big "F." The first is a large group with sloppy admission standards, the other an elite, time-tested crew. W H A T ' S T H E D I F F E R E N C E ? A little "f" friend: identifies themselves when they call. A big "F" Friend: doesn't have to. A little "f" friend: opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on their life. A big "F" Friend: says, "What's new with you?" A little "f" friend: thinks the problems you whine about are recent. A big "F" Friend: says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it." A little "f" friend: has never seen you cry. A big "F" Friend: has shoulders soggy from your tears. A little "f" friend: knows almost nothing about your family. A big "F" Friend: knows the medical history, dietary habits and marital troubles of everyone on your tree. A little "f" friend: calls you at 10 p.m. just to chat. A big "F" Friend: knows you hate to be called after 9 p.m. A little "f" friend: wonders about your romantic history. A big "F" Friend: could blackmail you with it. A little "f" friend: when visiting, they act like a guest. A big "F" Friend: when visiting, they open your refrigerator, put they're feet on the sofa, talk back to your spouse and reprimand your children. A little "f" friend: thinks the friendship is over when you argue. A big "F" Friend: knows that a friendship's not a friendship until you've had a fight.