An Archive of Email Forwards - ©Ouija Cat '98-'01

***  APPLICANT SPEAK
  
"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:" I'm usually on Prozac.
When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
  
"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:" I talk too much and like to tell other
people what to do.
 
 "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"  I've
used Microsoft Office.
  
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
  
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask
me about all the McJobs I've had.
  
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"  I blame others for my mistakes.
 
 "I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:" I'll keep crystals at my desk and
do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
 
 "I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:" I know a lot of corny, old jokes
and I tell them badly.
  
"I'M PERSONABLE:"  I give lots of unsolicited personal
advice to co-workers.
  
"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"  As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
  
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"  I carry a Day-Timer.
  
"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:" You're probably
looking for someone more experienced.
  
"I AM ADAPTABLE:"   I've changed jobs a lot.


MORE EMPLOYEE TALK:
 
"I'm CREATIVE:" I used to make some really cool drinks in college.
"I'M A SELF-STARTER:" I drink alone.
"I WORK WELL WITH OTHERS:" I used to make my fraternity pledges drink
"CISCO"
"I'M A TEAM PLAYER:" I like drinking games.

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