An Archive of Email Forwards - ©Ouija Cat '98-'01

THANGS A RED-NECK WILL NEVER SAY...
 
1.) We don't keep firearms in this house. 
2.) Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer? 
3.) You can't feed that to a dog.
4.) I thought Graceland was tacky.
5.) No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. 
6.) Wrasslin's fake.
7.) Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 
8.) We're vegetarians.
9.) Do you think my hair is too big?
10.) I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and sausage gravy. 
11.) Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.
12.) Who's Richard Petty?
13.) Dolly should have them reduced.
14.) Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 
15.) Deer heads detract from the decor. 
16.) Spitting is such a nasty habit.
17.) I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 
18.) Trim the fat off that steak.
19.) Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 
20.) The tires on that truck are too big.
21.) I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 
22.) I've got it all on a floppy disk.
23.) Unsweetened tea tastes better.
24.) Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
25.) My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 
26.) I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 
27.) Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 
28.) She's too young to be wearing that bikini.
29.) She's too old to be wearing that bikini. 
30.) Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
31.) Hey, here's an episode of "Hee-Haw" that we haven't seen. 
32.) I love Rap music.
33.) I believe you cooked those green beans too long. 
34.) Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. 
35.) You can't put a gun-rack on a motorcycle.
36.) I hate Jessie Helms.
37.) Elvis who???
38.) Checkmate

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