MORE DEEP THOUGHTS

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em
go, because, man, they're gone.
-------------------
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you
walk around.
That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You
can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
==========
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful
flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And
he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying
a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
==========
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a
panic.
==========
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a
king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some
Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
==========
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just
call them "impressions," and if you got a different
"impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
==========
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so
bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a
few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
==========
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.
And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting
there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
==========
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
==========
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
hate.  And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd
never expect it.
==========
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right
there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to
read good books.
==========
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds
singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes
you want to get drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go
down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for
money, and then lay down and go to sleep.
==========
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes
was not putting on your armor because you were "just going
down to the corner."
==========
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,
like I am now.
==========
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your
rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the
person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
==========
If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your
horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back
and the guy was reading a magazine.
==========
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they
believe me?
==========
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and
while you're in there some guys come and seals up both ends and
then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't
know what to tell you.
==========
If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't
you think a good costume would be to dress up like the
boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
==========
Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in
a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside,
you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm
not out in that."
==========
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over
here, looking through your stuff.
==========
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why
not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
==========
I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and
pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along,
low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's
a documentary.
==========
If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to
sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the
treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I
thought we won!"
==========
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure
owed me a lot of money."
==========