The following quotes were lifted verbatim from the medical records of
a general hospital in a large metropolitan area.

"Patient suffers from headaches while menstruating on the top of her head"

"There is a pressure bandage on the hip which is markedly swollen and tender."

"Patient is a newborn infant delivered over an intact perineum which cried spontaneously."

"Patient experiences difficulty swallowing tires easily."

"Patient had bronchoscopy today.Exam showed normal bowel to 25 cm."

"History: Patient was shot in head with .32 caliber rifle.Chief Complaint: Headache."

"Patient has difficulty walking on Digitalis."

"Patient had a D&C a year ago and all of her eyebrows came off."

"Patient referred to hospital for repair of hernia by a social service worker."

"Patient sent to hospital for erosion of the cervix by a local medical doctor."

Dictated: "Patient had a Pap smear today."Transcribed: "Patient had a Pabst beer today."

"This was a nonsterile delivery by the nurse in the bed of a five pound male infant."

"Patient was struck by an auto while she was walking across the street at approximately 45 miles per hour."

"Patient complains of worsening acne and itching rash as well as nasal congestion of his trunk."

"Patient referred to hospital by private physician with green stools."

"This 54-year-old female is complaining of abdominal cramps with BMs on the one hand and constipation on the other."

"This mother of a 2-year-old desires a circumcision."

"Patient has been married twice, but denies any other serious illnesses."

"Patient's wife hit him over the head with an ironing board which now has six stitches on it."

"Patient is separated from his wife, and he also is allergic to Penicillin."

"This 8-year-old came to the GU clinic with his mother who has an absent right testicle since birth."

"Patient has no children and she doesn't smoke or drink either."

"She moves her bowels roughly, three times a day."

"This GU patient states he urinates around the clock every two hours."

[Male patient] "Pelvic exam: Deferred."

"Rx: Mycostatin vaginal suppositories, #24, Sig: Insert daily until exhausted."

om.