Seinfeld-isms, From the Washington Post

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What
 are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough 
standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate  on
the pillow?  I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of 
fecal matter.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not  the 
one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about?  And which 
waiter  are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll 
just  say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food.  The guy who pays the bill will be  
along shortly."

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No
 animals allowed  except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? 
 Is it for the dog, or the  blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various
important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to
plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up.  Have this deceased squirrel."

Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded 
every  time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what 
we are  doing?  Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with
the menu?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't 
you ever see anyone take one to the beach? Why do they call it 
a "building"? It looks  like they're finished.  Why isn't it a "built"?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone 
companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for 
TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you 
hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space 
but okay to  go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires?  Isn't that  
the basic idea behind the wheel?  Don't they rotate on their own?

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me?   
No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did 
those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when 
the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are 
compelled to  move up too? Do we really think we are making 
progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be
late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee 
and a danish!"

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby  cows? 
How did THAT happen?  Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, 
I can't  wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry 
detergent,  but they still can't get those blue flakes out?  Why do we
trust them to  get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the 
DETERGENT white!

Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup  
holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that?  
When you  see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper!  
Carefully  hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

Who is this guy Louis Freeh who is head of the FBI? People keep  
calling him Louie, like he was the king of France or something. 
And what's this with his last name? What does this mean, that he 
gives away the letter H?