Subject:  Thoughts
     
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in 
it?
     
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some 
people appear bright until you hear them speak?
     
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be 
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
     
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the 
battery is dead?
     
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw 
hamburgers?
     
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? 
Shouldn't they be called builts?
     
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck 
together?
     
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask 
them what time it is?
     
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
     
Why do banks charge a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they 
already know you don't have?
     
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
     
Why is the alphabet in that order?
     
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the 
universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
     
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving 
backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
     
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
     
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, 
do the other trees make fun of it?
     
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
     
Do fish get cramps after eating?
     
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something 
new?
     
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
     
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe 
you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. 

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but 
always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
     
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite 
of progress?
     
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but 
dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
     
Why do you wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do you put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a 
suitcase?
     
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
     
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
     
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
     
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
     
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have 
monkeys and apes?
     
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel 
agent?
     
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
     
Do married people live longer than single people or does it 
just SEEM longer?