An Uplifting Archive -
Ouija Cat 2002

"You have very few friends in life, and those who say they're your
friends--many of them are not your friends." Mayor Daley in an
interview quoted. 

There are friends with a little "f" and friends with a big "F."

The first is a large group with sloppy admission standards, the other
an elite, time-tested crew.

W H A T ' S  T H E  D I F F E R E N C E ?

 A little "f" friend: identifies themselves when they call.
 A big "F" Friend: doesn't have to.

 A little "f" friend: opens a conversation with a full news bulletin
   on their life.
 A big "F" Friend: says, "What's new with you?"

 A little "f" friend: thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
 A big "F" Friend: says, "You've been whining about the same thing
   for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."

 A little "f" friend: has never seen you cry.
 A big "F" Friend: has shoulders soggy from your tears.

 A little "f" friend: knows almost nothing about your family.
 A big "F" Friend: knows the medical history, dietary habits and
   marital troubles of everyone on your tree.

 A little "f" friend: calls you at 10 p.m. just to chat.
 A big "F" Friend: knows you hate to be called after 9 p.m.

 A little "f" friend: wonders about your romantic history.
 A big "F" Friend: could blackmail you with it.

 A little "f" friend: when visiting, they act like a guest.
 A big "F" Friend: when visiting, they open your refrigerator, put
   they're feet on the sofa, talk back to your spouse and reprimand your

 A little "f" friend: thinks the friendship is over when you argue.
 A big "F" Friend: knows that a friendship's not a friendship until
   you've had a fight.

Medical Humor